Dreadful Due Date is here.

My due date is just about here... May 23rd. I've been dreading this day since I lost my angel. I really thought I'd be pregnant again by now. I'm trying so hard to hold back the tears and not to let this get to me, but I can't. I should be holding my angel by now, meeting them, kissing their sweet face, holding them in my arms, telling them I love them. Going to Joel and saying she has your eyes, or your nose. I wish I could go back in time and save my angel. I'd give anything to have them with us. In honor of tomorrow I decided to that I'm going to make a bracelet with Emerald colored crystals and wear it everyday. I feel I need to do something.. ANYTHING in honor of my angel.

Oh.. and Joel is handling this well by keeping it all in, and trying to forget about it.

I found this on one of my Babycenter Groups. She too had a miscarriage and wrote this poem for her little one, since I'm not that creative I'm going to post it because it tells exactly how I feel!

Today I will not meet you. Or see your sparkling eyes.

I will not touch your tiny hands or hear your first little cries.

I will not kiss you tenderly as you lay upon my chest.

But let there be no mistake, little one. You see, I have been blessed.

I may not know what you would have been, but I know what you are.

I feel you in every gust of wind, see your smile across the stars.

Thanks to you, I know a mother's love, a love that never dies.

I only wish that our hellos hadn't been the same as our goodbyes.

And as the days grow longer now, like nature, I try my best.

To grow and change and live again, and I guess you know the rest.

You know I love you more than words could ever hope to say.

I'll love you until forever comes, and then add one extra day.

You'll always be my baby. You'll always be my child.

You'll always be a dragonfly flying free and wild.

The world will never know you, or understand how I feel.

But I know. You were here. You are here. You are real.

Since this is the only picture I have on my computer... This is the first time I saw the heart beat.