Our One Year Anniversary

A year ago today, I married the most amazing man I've ever met. Joel has brought out the best in me, and has made me the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. We've been through a lot in this past year with major life changes, ups and downs financially, cars breaking down, the loss of our angel, and my grandmother we've made it through. He's been my rock and is my whole world. Today I remember back to one year ago when I took the vows that are the rest of my life.

"I, Holly take you Joel to be my husband, my partner in life, and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you, and respect you, laugh with you, and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love from this day forward.."



These vows I will live by for the rest of my life. I love you, Joel you mean everything to me and are the most amazing husband and wife could ask for! Here's to many more years to come!:)

Little update on our baby situation: Took a test today and it was negative I'd be due for my period tomorrow but since I've been on progesterone it'll be a few days yet. So next month we'll try again. A little bird told me I'd have a little boy in March of next year. So since we'll believe anything we hear at this point, we picked out our boy name finally and even a nursery theme! (it's going to be awesome lol) We'll see if that comes true though.. Next month hurry up I want our little miracle to be in our lives now!

Well the last few weeks have been absolutely insane. I ended up taking a trip to Mississippi to visit my dad, took a getaway to Galena with Joel, and am now paying the price trying to catch up on housework and school work.

The progesterone is going well. I just had my tests results come back at 8.5 which is a huge increase from .4! Now it's just a matter of days to find out if this month has been a success for us or if we're in for another round next month. My temps are all over the place really but, I had a huge temp rise this morning which is a good sign! I'm really just hoping and praying this month is it. I don't want to say I feel it'll be this month because I always feel like that. We'll just say I'm very hopeful!

Other than this there hasn't been anything going on yet. I'm hoping I'll have very good news in a few days!

Feeling Awesome!

Well as you can already tell this is an emotional roller coaster. One day you'll be so angry and upset, the next day you'll get great news and it all seems ok in the world. Today is definitely a good day for me. I've realized that by me sharing this experience I'm helping other friends of mine and that makes me feel awesome. Someone recently found out she's pregnant and it was definitely an oops baby, she told me that by knowing what I'm going through it had helped her decide to keep her baby. That made me feel really good about sharing this with everyone. So, here I go continuing with my journey...

I had my fertility specialist appointment today with Dr. Nayler at the group! My mother in law is very supportive of us going through this all and went to the appointment with me since Joel and my mom were both working. Dr. Nayler seems very nice and completely understanding. He's also been in the business for a long time recognizing my mother in law from when she had her 2 youngest! That gives me a lot of reassurance!!

We first had to talk about the miscarriage and that was difficult. He didn't ask too many questions which made things a lot easier. And then talked with me about what we could do. He said there's IUI and IVF but, he felt I didn't need it right now and it's quite pricey. He then said that we could do something like Clomid to help me ovulate but since it made me sick he recommended we do progesterone suppositories when I get a positive ovulation test until I find out I'm not pregnant. If I am pregnant I'll continue taking it until I'm out of the first trimester. Having already tried the clomid, and last month ovulated on my own I decided to try the progesterone suppositories. Dr. Nayler wants me to start temping my basal body temperature, charting it and using the ovulation predictor tests. I ran out to Walgreens today and stocked up.. I'm ready for this!!

I feel completely hopeful for this month. I keep thinking it's meant to be for us. This will happen and this will work. Even if it doesn't work this month, my progesterone levels will be up and it'll just be a hit & miss instead of infertility. I will be conquering the one thing keeping Joel and I from being parents. I'll be conquering infertility which unfortunately a lot of women can't say they've done or can do. Any woman who can say they've conquered it are truly blessed and would definitely have a miracle on their hands. I'm grateful I still have options to try and really hope this works on the first time because I'm very inpatient!! I feel a miracle coming around the corner.. it's just a matter of time now!

false hope..

Again as I said before a lot of this will be on my struggles with the infertility thing...

Saturday was a happy day for Joel and I. We had 4 positive pregnancy tests.. 2 digital EPTs and 2 First response. Now before you get too excited for me... you must continue reading on. I told myself I wouldn't get too worked up and decided to call my dr. right away. She said, "Well we'll do testing Tuesday and start you on progesterone supplements." I said, "alright will anything happen between now and then?" and she said, "no it'll be fine for the weekend nobody will give you supplements over the weekend anyways." "OK!"

Well I had symptoms all weekend, nausea, tired as hell, bloated, sense of smell and started getting excited. I'm like well something is going right because I'm having symptoms. I got out the baby name book and Joel and I started looking through for boy names because we were soo convinced it'd be a boy. Joel was thinking Nero... weird off the wall names, I'm thinking Rylan, Austin, Liam etc. I had a wild dream Sunday night he named our baby boy LAVA! lol

Tuesday came and I was really nervous for my tests. I got the card from the lab so I could get my own results I was thinking low 100's for HCG should be fine and the progesterone needs to be 15 or above... My HCG was > 6. I was devastated. I told Joel to run to the store and get a EPT digital and it was negative.. something happened.. I had symptoms and everything!! My progesterone was .4!!! there's barely any in me!! I eventually found out it was a small miscarriage. My dr. said there was no way I was pregnant I was just getting false positives... on 2 different brands and 4 tests?!? I think not. Luckily I have an apt at The Group on Tuesday with a dr. who specializes in fertility. I'm hoping he can give us some answers. The only thing that bothers me the most is I saw a positive pregnancy test... for the first time since August... a positive. And then nothing.. I've gotten use to the negative tests and I'd MUCH rather have a negative then a positive and then nothing. Luck of the Irish bring me a March baby!!


OH and to top it off there's a certain person... who STILL is trying to talk me out of becoming pregnant. "If you were to have a baby 9 months from now what would you do?" The same thing I'm doing now except I'd have a little one to take care of. I don't go out and party I spend time at home with my husband. Oh and the infamous one... "How are you going to afford it?" Well we both work full time and can afford a house...how does anyone REALLY afford a child?!!? You just make it work! Can I provide for my child YES! So then they say, "Well you'll never see your child then if you're in school and working." ::screeching tires:: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WORK FULLTIME AND GO TO SCHOOL WITH A CHILD?!!? It's called prioritizing... something I'm good at! They act like I don't think about these things... I've thought about this non stop since August. I've got it covered! For you mom's out there... how DO you make it work?! It's not easy I know that but, what have you noticed you're doing different!?

~Praying for a piece of heaven in the year 2011~